Alzheimer’s is stupid & Sticky notes

Missed yesterday. I’m certain that the 1000’s of you who are reading are utterly disappointed.
Rest assured, it was for good reason. We (husband and girls and I) drove to WV to visit my grandmother (Mawmaw). She suffers from dementia/Alzheimer’s. It got serious in August when doctors discovered she had a blood infection, concentrated around her heart as a result of advanced colon cancer.  Unsure she would survive one surgery, but knowing that she wouldn’t survive doing nothing our family decided to do the surgeries recommended by the doctors.  She had the tumor removed from her colon and 4 days later open heart surgery to repair damage from the infection. She’s still kicking. Literally. Now she has no idea who anyone is most of the time, can’t get out of bed, can’t take care of herself, and doesn’t want to eat. 🙁
I know that’s a lot of crap to read, I’m sorry. But I’m not sorry you’re reading it, I’m sorry that she’s going through it and that my family is watching it. Alzheimer’s is stupid.  I’m not sure exactly what lesson God is trying to teach any of us with this, but I don’t like it. I won’t ever like it…and as an educator I know that it’ll probably be forever before I can “learn” whatever it is I’m supposed to from this.  Faith? Patience? Love? I already know all that…this is crap.

So, God, where’s my sticky note for this one?

Sticky notes. That’s the title of my blog.  I (like every other person in the world) have gone through a roller coaster of life events, emotions, great times, crappy times, you name it. I’m sure I’ll get to some of it as the year progresses and I try to meet my “blogging commitment”. Anyway…as I was going through life and wrestling with my faith and life’s lessons. I used to pray, sometimes quietly, sometimes in a prayer journal, sometimes I would cry or scream it out loud…but I would pray for a sticky note from God. “Just leave a note on my mirror, tell me what to do!” or “Tell me what I should be learning from this so we can just get on with it!” 

I have never received a sticky note from God on the mirror.

Though, when stopped yelling, crying, and screaming long enough to sit in the stillness of His peace, He guided me in some way.  Sometimes it was just comfort, sometimes it was clarity about a situation, sometimes just grace and peace, other times it was just – wait a little longer.  My faith is strong enough to know that this will happen, eventually.  The problem is, that takes a while and so here I am wrestling again with how icky I am feeling about this and waiting for the “sticky note” from God again.

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