Happy Birthday, My Sweet Boy. Today you would turn four! I can't even wrap my brain around what that would look like. My sometimes empty arms ache to hold you and squeeze you as you prepare for a new milestone like the first day of preschool - I bet you would be wicked smart like… Continue reading You’re Four.
I sang a song – again.I sang a silly song today, it went a little something like this…”chicky-chicken nuggets, cheesy-cheese cubes. Peas and car-rots, peas and car-rots, yum yum yum in the tum tum tum.” Obviously, Kanye will defer to me as the “musical genius” from now until the end of time. I have mad… Continue reading I Sang A Song – Again
His 2ndBirthday.Today he would be two. My sweet boy. He should be toddling around the house, tormenting his big sisters, cuddling his baby brother. Making us laugh, because of course he would be the most hilarious toddler you’ve ever met. I can sometimes picture him. Other times the image of my son is so far… Continue reading His 2nd Birthday
He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not (written 5/24/16)Remember playing the game when you were a child? Reciting the phrase “he loves me, he loves me not” as I plucked the petals from a poor unsuspecting flower. Thinking of some silly little boy who I wanted to return my affections, and hoping, longing with each… Continue reading He loves me, He loves me not…
(written 2/20/16)My mom died. She’s gone. Forever. (Well, earthly forever). I keep saying it over and over in my head, like I need a reminder that it really happened. I’m sad. Really sad. But this is a different kind of grief than I experienced when we lost our son 16 months ago. I’m not angry.… Continue reading My Mom Died…My Mom
365 days. 52 weeks. 1 Halloween, 1 Thanksgiving, 1 Christmas, 1 New Year’s, 1 Valentine’s Day, 1 Easter, 1 Mother’s Day, 1 Father’s Day, 1 Fourth of July. 2 family vacations. And now, 1 Birthday. These are all of the things I (we) had to do this year without our son. That sweet boy whose… Continue reading 365 Days: Love, John Karl
If you know me at all, you know that I am an open book. I quite literally will tell you anything you want to know about me. I have little, really nothing, to hide. This blog post reveals some of the darkest pages to become a part of my life book. I will warn you.… Continue reading What I’m Ready to Share About Infant Loss: Demise & Wicked Emotion
I plan to share the whole story of John Karl's loss. So many friends and family, and even strangers have been so supportive of us during this darkness. Some have asked questions, some have used others to ask questions, some have been too afraid to ask. I've learned, thus far, that hearing what others have… Continue reading What I’m Ready to Share About Infant Loss:The Backstory