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Slacking

So totally slacking on my journal blogging! So sorry!

I joined a women’s Bible study at our church. It’s a book/video series titled Unglued by Lysa Terkeurst. It might possibly be the most accurate title I’ve ever read and it exactly what I was looking for.

It’s given me the chance to meet up regularly with other adult women and one of my BFFs decided to join me, so super excited that we get to figure this all out together. Terkeurst defines becoming “unglued” as a moment of unwarranted raw emotions. You know, those moments when you freak out and then immediately (or if you’re me, quite a bit later) feel really bad that you did.

I read the first two chapters this week and completed the first section of the 6 week study guide. I’ve learned a lot, especially for just a week in. This is rarely the case for me in a Bible Study. It generally takes me week to process information, make sense of it and apply it. Not this time, my friends. I’m using it now…though not super consistently. I’ll get there (we hope).

My “unglued” moments come when I’m dealing with my kiddos and my husband. Pretty normal right, every other mother who has ever existed is screaming the same thing. It’s because that’s who we spend the most time with and who we love and care about the most. I think my expectations are always most out of whack with my husband and my kids. They’re high. I have an idea in my head about how I wanted being a wife, and mother, and family to go and on paper, I’m pretty much there. In real life – not so much.

See, I have this expectation and little movie in my head about how I want things to be or how I think they should be and when they don’t go that way I become – “unglued”. Here’s an example, I wanted to finish my degree – check, have a fantastic husband – check, grow our family with children – check and check, teach for this amazing online school from home so that I could be here with my children instead of using daycare – check. (Note: I do this with the help of a sitter two days a week, a girl’s gotta work sometime.) So far so good, right.

The problem is I’m slacking. Yes, I spent most of my adult life working full time, going to school full time, and being a wife, now a mother and still working full time. BUT what I really want is to be a GREAT wife and a GREAT mother! Doesn’t everyone.

In my mind, I would have a house that ran on a great schedule which allowed time for playing with the kids, teaching them things myself (academic, spiritual, and life lessons), grocery and shopping AND clipping coupons, meal planning, work time, Bible time, workout time, husband time, and ME time. This happens but it’s all so chaotic and not at all the scheduled type of life I’d hoped for. Sometimes I feel like I’m never giving anything 100% of my effort, just enough to get by with it all and the occasional “bonus” work thrown in.

Things really become “unglued” when I am doing one thing and should be doing another: maybe I’m working and should be playing with my kids or checking out Facebook instead of spending time with my husband. I KNOW that I should be making the better choice and when someone (usually the kids, but sometimes by hubby) points this out to me by crying, screaming, throwing clean laundry down the stairs (this literally just happened while I was blogging), or some other annoying-not-in-my-plan thing I become UNGLUED.

So, we’ve identified the problem. Now how do I fix it? In the past I’ve tried all at once, one big upheaval and a huge set of changes all for the better- clearly this has never worked for me. So this time, I’m doing it in chunks. This is a teacher reference. Chunking is when you break the lesson down into manageable parts and tackle them one at a time. Makes total sense right, why haven’t I tried this before. Oh, right, it wasn’t in my plan. I’m an idiot.

This weeks challenge: making more time for the kids. Planned time. In the mornings, with a specific activity in mind.  Even if it’s just reading new books together or a puzzle. I’m doing it.

 

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